Here

There are few people outside of my immediate family that I would go above and beyond for without question. A couple cousins and about three to six friends. These are people that no matter what, I'd always be there for. They have been such a blessing to my life that what ever they need I'm going to try and get it done for them if they need me to. If they are down and need to be uplifted, I will do anything I can to help get them back on their feet, if they are feeling worthless I am going M to remind them just how valuable they are, and if they feel like they have no purpose I'm going to remind them that God has created them for greatness. I hate seeing the ones I love not on the top of their game. I want to push them to be all they can be. These few people are valuable to me beyond comprehension. Some have hurt me some haven't but even so these are people I can't lose.  I won't shut them out or turn my back on them regardless. To those people, I love you all dearly, in different ways. To one I love you. To the others you're all family to me. And to all of you, I will always be a phone call, drive, text or flight away. 

Hopes

I'm a very hopeful person. I'm bubbly and outgoing especially about people I care for and for things that excite me. Im quick to trust people, to a flaw sometimes and it has left me getting hurt in the past, but I dont change because I can't allow negative situations to dictate my outlook on others. One of the quickest ways for a person to lose my ability to trust them almost unwaveringly is to get my hopes up for something they know I really want or am looking forward to and then to change the plan or cancel last minute.  I rely on what people tell me and expect it to be the truth so when it turns out to be false, I can't help but question what they say to me in the future. I don't bullshit people, I don't tell people what they want to hear or sugar coat the truth, I won't tell someone something positive unless I mean it.. So I naturally expect the same from others. There are certain situations where things must change and generally ill understand them, but other than that, getting my hopes up and not following through is a good way for me to disappear from your life. I don't have time to be wasting it on someone who is comfortable hurting me in any capacity and that only is more so the case, if ive given a second or if I really cared, 3rd, chance. I hope no one does this because it really does hurt, I'm more sensitive than most which I hate, but I can't help how God made me. So i learn to live with it but I also have learned how to build up walls so that I don't end up hurt.

To the Woman apart of My Future

My heart is set, on you. That glorious day.

When I realized the true magnitude of my love for you. I'll be waiting right here, with open arms, to hold you close, and keep you warm And kiss you all over, when the time is right. I'll express my love, so you know it's true because I never want there to be a doubt in your mind about what you mean to me. There's nothing on earth, I would not do for you.Because you're the one, you're one-of a kind. One day I hope to call you mine. I want to show you off to the world. Show my mother what a wonderful woman God has given me. I want to prove to my father that he thought me how to treat a woman right, with everything I do. I want my sister to look to you as an inspiration and at us as an example of what to look for in a relationship. I want my brother to see what kind of woman he deserves. I want my friends to know that you are number one to me. And I want to wake up everyday next to the woman I love with a smile on my face excited to fall in love with you all over again. One day I hope you feel the same. And want me in every way I want you, but the great thing is, there is no rush. My love won't fade. I don't want rushed feelings. So everyday I patiently wait hoping that I will have a lasting chance with you and that I prove myself to be someone you can rely on and trust. One day I hope to crown you my queen and I your king. I hope to rule together as one and to live everyday building you up and pushing you towards your goals and beyond. I am so proud to call you a friend and love you. Your capacity of love amazes me and inspired me.

Secrets

Those with the brightest smiles could be holding back the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes may cry the most, and the kindest hearts may have felt the most pain, but those who get back on their feet time and time again, they are the strongest, those who fight through their suffering and manage to uplift others, are the most courageous. The world is a tough place. Unforgiving at times but each and every one of us has the ability to fight through our pains and look out for others as well! It's tough but doable, i've learned that over time.

Reflections: An Ongoing Testimony

Monday, November 30th 2015

 I've learned to love and really felt what it means to love and be loved. Before I always had an idea of what it was like but couldn't really grasp its concept as a whole, rather just in terms of a family’s love or a romantic interest's supposed love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Prior to this year I never really understood this as well as I do today. This time last year I needed recognition for anything and everything "good" that I did, I found myself being more motivated by accolades than actually just doing good for the sake of uplifting people and being helpful. It was fake, sure I was doing good deeds but my heart wasn't in it. I was boastful in everything I did. I was also very impatient in helping people, often finding myself annoyed or upset when change didn't happen by when I believed it should. Often I’d catch myself lying about small things, things that I didn't need to lie about in the slightest. I've always enjoyed being able to be there for friends and family in need, but always felt bogged down with the weight of everyone else's issues on my shoulders, of course I still didn't know when to take a break and say no, so it kept building and building. This lasted for a while. Fast forward to today. This year I saw heinous acts of violence in the name of religion, out of bias, and hate. Islam and Christianity being the main two base beliefs behind the acts. Of course with this came calls for less religious influence and the notion that religion is bad and only propagates issues in the world, but being a Christian myself I’d have to disagree, my view is that Christianity is not a religion of us Vs them. It's a religion that should be full of people of Us for them. Big difference there. In politics and social issues, it's been twisted and perverted into this divisive us vs them mentality. The classic," That's not okay or allowed because my beliefs say so," and the notion that it gives us the authority or ability to judge others. And with that being the focus of so many so called "Christians" these days no wonder there is so much push back. 1 John 4:20 says,” If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."  This constant judgment of others for things we may believe to be sins and the hate we let come from it contradicts what God has said for us to show our companions in the world. I can't recall one time in the bible where Jesus, the definition of perfection, went around harassing and condemning those who were different. When the Pharisees brought Him a woman accused of adultery and asked what her punishment should be according to his teachings (John 8: 1-12), not mosaic law which called for her to be stoned, he didn't respond by calling for her death, he didn't cast a stone, he called on the people there and said those of you who are blameless (sinless) cast the first stone, and then told her he doesn't condemn her and to go forward and live a life without sin. This is one of my favorite examples to base my life and my love for others on. As lover and followers of God, we aren't to condemn others for their actions as we are sinners ourselves and no better on that front. We must instead look to our own actions and change our own ways and lead by example. This was a huge step in me finding what it means to truly love others. Hebrews 13:6 says,” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Another issue I struggled with for a while, was the feeling of loneliness. People that know me might find this strange because I never had issues making friends and being social, but I still felt alone quite often. It's hard to explain, but it was the feeling of an absence of love or caring.  One night I was at a low, I cried for the first time in a while and just asked God to bring me a calm mind and peace, this being a time when my faith wasn't strong at all and it was a sort of last resort, and almost immediately I felt at peace. I can't explain it but it really renewed my faith and brought me to a place where I was comfortable with and believed in the power of asking my God for help.  These are just some things I've encountered on my journey thus far, a testimony of sorts, but it isn't over.  I pray that more of us can come to see the true power that love possesses and the amazing change it can bring to people. I hope to see people stop using religion as a means to condemn other but instead use it to motivate themselves to be the best they can be. 

Masterpiece

So I spend all my days wandering around in this art exhibit called earth. Everyday I see beautiful, weird, and creative works of art, but one day I saw the centerpiece, the masterpiece of masterpieces. You're that masterpiece. And I can't stop looking in amazement. Every inch of you is a work of art. The way light reflects off your eyes, a stunning green, sometimes hazel, absolute beauty. So intricate I'm lost in them every time our eyes meet. Your intellect is inspiring. Your voice soothing. A laugh so sweet. Truly incredible. What must I do to have you? I want to elevate you above the rest. Make sure your happy and feel safe. Show you off to the world. I'd be so overjoyed! I want to be the blessed man in your life that gets to see you escorted by your father down the aisle. I want to look into your eyes in front of all our friends and family and tell you exactly how you make me feel, and promise to never let you down. I can't wait to say "I do." I can't wait to kiss you and carry you over the threshold into our new lives. I want to grow with you. I want to know you. I hope I am that guy. 

Dear Pain

To Pain, 

Everyday I wake up and I have choices. I can choose joy and happiness, negativity or pain. I'm human and make mistakes which can lead to pain. But that reality is freedom. I love being able to embrace my humanity and choose life. I like being able to learn everyday through lessons that life brings me. I may hate every minute of it in the moment but in the long run i've always come out on top and that's motivating. I've learned that choosing happiness and joy is the best route albeit a difficult choice at times. Bad happens. That's a part of life. How I respond however, is the defining moment in my character and the overall quality of my life. I used to give in. Sitting in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the bad and unpleasant, but as i've grown i've leaned to focus, rise from the pain and loss and treasure life. It's the greatest gift i've been given and God gave it to me for a reason. So I intend to make the most of it. I intend to be a champion at everything I set my mind to. Life isn't about winning or losing, i've come to know its about hard work and overcoming challenges encountered. I have come to embrace pain and learned to harness it as motivation to finish the race. Don't let pain cause you to fear a challenge And something i've recently come to believe as a truth and relied on is that, God understands our suffering and pain and fear and doubt. He's always there to encourage us and help us realize that He is sufficient for all out needs. When I realized this my worrying stopped. And when worry creeps in I just take a moment, and pray and it ceases. So to pain I say thank you. I've grown so much out of it and I'm much happier today because of it. I'm more appreciative for the blessings i've gotten in life and more motivated than ever.