Reflections: An Ongoing Testimony

Monday, November 30th 2015

 I've learned to love and really felt what it means to love and be loved. Before I always had an idea of what it was like but couldn't really grasp its concept as a whole, rather just in terms of a family’s love or a romantic interest's supposed love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Prior to this year I never really understood this as well as I do today. This time last year I needed recognition for anything and everything "good" that I did, I found myself being more motivated by accolades than actually just doing good for the sake of uplifting people and being helpful. It was fake, sure I was doing good deeds but my heart wasn't in it. I was boastful in everything I did. I was also very impatient in helping people, often finding myself annoyed or upset when change didn't happen by when I believed it should. Often I’d catch myself lying about small things, things that I didn't need to lie about in the slightest. I've always enjoyed being able to be there for friends and family in need, but always felt bogged down with the weight of everyone else's issues on my shoulders, of course I still didn't know when to take a break and say no, so it kept building and building. This lasted for a while. Fast forward to today. This year I saw heinous acts of violence in the name of religion, out of bias, and hate. Islam and Christianity being the main two base beliefs behind the acts. Of course with this came calls for less religious influence and the notion that religion is bad and only propagates issues in the world, but being a Christian myself I’d have to disagree, my view is that Christianity is not a religion of us Vs them. It's a religion that should be full of people of Us for them. Big difference there. In politics and social issues, it's been twisted and perverted into this divisive us vs them mentality. The classic," That's not okay or allowed because my beliefs say so," and the notion that it gives us the authority or ability to judge others. And with that being the focus of so many so called "Christians" these days no wonder there is so much push back. 1 John 4:20 says,” If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."  This constant judgment of others for things we may believe to be sins and the hate we let come from it contradicts what God has said for us to show our companions in the world. I can't recall one time in the bible where Jesus, the definition of perfection, went around harassing and condemning those who were different. When the Pharisees brought Him a woman accused of adultery and asked what her punishment should be according to his teachings (John 8: 1-12), not mosaic law which called for her to be stoned, he didn't respond by calling for her death, he didn't cast a stone, he called on the people there and said those of you who are blameless (sinless) cast the first stone, and then told her he doesn't condemn her and to go forward and live a life without sin. This is one of my favorite examples to base my life and my love for others on. As lover and followers of God, we aren't to condemn others for their actions as we are sinners ourselves and no better on that front. We must instead look to our own actions and change our own ways and lead by example. This was a huge step in me finding what it means to truly love others. Hebrews 13:6 says,” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Another issue I struggled with for a while, was the feeling of loneliness. People that know me might find this strange because I never had issues making friends and being social, but I still felt alone quite often. It's hard to explain, but it was the feeling of an absence of love or caring.  One night I was at a low, I cried for the first time in a while and just asked God to bring me a calm mind and peace, this being a time when my faith wasn't strong at all and it was a sort of last resort, and almost immediately I felt at peace. I can't explain it but it really renewed my faith and brought me to a place where I was comfortable with and believed in the power of asking my God for help.  These are just some things I've encountered on my journey thus far, a testimony of sorts, but it isn't over.  I pray that more of us can come to see the true power that love possesses and the amazing change it can bring to people. I hope to see people stop using religion as a means to condemn other but instead use it to motivate themselves to be the best they can be.