Secrets

Those with the brightest smiles could be holding back the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes may cry the most, and the kindest hearts may have felt the most pain, but those who get back on their feet time and time again, they are the strongest, those who fight through their suffering and manage to uplift others, are the most courageous. The world is a tough place. Unforgiving at times but each and every one of us has the ability to fight through our pains and look out for others as well! It's tough but doable, i've learned that over time.

Reflections: An Ongoing Testimony

Monday, November 30th 2015

 I've learned to love and really felt what it means to love and be loved. Before I always had an idea of what it was like but couldn't really grasp its concept as a whole, rather just in terms of a family’s love or a romantic interest's supposed love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Prior to this year I never really understood this as well as I do today. This time last year I needed recognition for anything and everything "good" that I did, I found myself being more motivated by accolades than actually just doing good for the sake of uplifting people and being helpful. It was fake, sure I was doing good deeds but my heart wasn't in it. I was boastful in everything I did. I was also very impatient in helping people, often finding myself annoyed or upset when change didn't happen by when I believed it should. Often I’d catch myself lying about small things, things that I didn't need to lie about in the slightest. I've always enjoyed being able to be there for friends and family in need, but always felt bogged down with the weight of everyone else's issues on my shoulders, of course I still didn't know when to take a break and say no, so it kept building and building. This lasted for a while. Fast forward to today. This year I saw heinous acts of violence in the name of religion, out of bias, and hate. Islam and Christianity being the main two base beliefs behind the acts. Of course with this came calls for less religious influence and the notion that religion is bad and only propagates issues in the world, but being a Christian myself I’d have to disagree, my view is that Christianity is not a religion of us Vs them. It's a religion that should be full of people of Us for them. Big difference there. In politics and social issues, it's been twisted and perverted into this divisive us vs them mentality. The classic," That's not okay or allowed because my beliefs say so," and the notion that it gives us the authority or ability to judge others. And with that being the focus of so many so called "Christians" these days no wonder there is so much push back. 1 John 4:20 says,” If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."  This constant judgment of others for things we may believe to be sins and the hate we let come from it contradicts what God has said for us to show our companions in the world. I can't recall one time in the bible where Jesus, the definition of perfection, went around harassing and condemning those who were different. When the Pharisees brought Him a woman accused of adultery and asked what her punishment should be according to his teachings (John 8: 1-12), not mosaic law which called for her to be stoned, he didn't respond by calling for her death, he didn't cast a stone, he called on the people there and said those of you who are blameless (sinless) cast the first stone, and then told her he doesn't condemn her and to go forward and live a life without sin. This is one of my favorite examples to base my life and my love for others on. As lover and followers of God, we aren't to condemn others for their actions as we are sinners ourselves and no better on that front. We must instead look to our own actions and change our own ways and lead by example. This was a huge step in me finding what it means to truly love others. Hebrews 13:6 says,” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Another issue I struggled with for a while, was the feeling of loneliness. People that know me might find this strange because I never had issues making friends and being social, but I still felt alone quite often. It's hard to explain, but it was the feeling of an absence of love or caring.  One night I was at a low, I cried for the first time in a while and just asked God to bring me a calm mind and peace, this being a time when my faith wasn't strong at all and it was a sort of last resort, and almost immediately I felt at peace. I can't explain it but it really renewed my faith and brought me to a place where I was comfortable with and believed in the power of asking my God for help.  These are just some things I've encountered on my journey thus far, a testimony of sorts, but it isn't over.  I pray that more of us can come to see the true power that love possesses and the amazing change it can bring to people. I hope to see people stop using religion as a means to condemn other but instead use it to motivate themselves to be the best they can be. 

Masterpiece

So I spend all my days wandering around in this art exhibit called earth. Everyday I see beautiful, weird, and creative works of art, but one day I saw the centerpiece, the masterpiece of masterpieces. You're that masterpiece. And I can't stop looking in amazement. Every inch of you is a work of art. The way light reflects off your eyes, a stunning green, sometimes hazel, absolute beauty. So intricate I'm lost in them every time our eyes meet. Your intellect is inspiring. Your voice soothing. A laugh so sweet. Truly incredible. What must I do to have you? I want to elevate you above the rest. Make sure your happy and feel safe. Show you off to the world. I'd be so overjoyed! I want to be the blessed man in your life that gets to see you escorted by your father down the aisle. I want to look into your eyes in front of all our friends and family and tell you exactly how you make me feel, and promise to never let you down. I can't wait to say "I do." I can't wait to kiss you and carry you over the threshold into our new lives. I want to grow with you. I want to know you. I hope I am that guy. 

Dear Pain

To Pain, 

Everyday I wake up and I have choices. I can choose joy and happiness, negativity or pain. I'm human and make mistakes which can lead to pain. But that reality is freedom. I love being able to embrace my humanity and choose life. I like being able to learn everyday through lessons that life brings me. I may hate every minute of it in the moment but in the long run i've always come out on top and that's motivating. I've learned that choosing happiness and joy is the best route albeit a difficult choice at times. Bad happens. That's a part of life. How I respond however, is the defining moment in my character and the overall quality of my life. I used to give in. Sitting in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the bad and unpleasant, but as i've grown i've leaned to focus, rise from the pain and loss and treasure life. It's the greatest gift i've been given and God gave it to me for a reason. So I intend to make the most of it. I intend to be a champion at everything I set my mind to. Life isn't about winning or losing, i've come to know its about hard work and overcoming challenges encountered. I have come to embrace pain and learned to harness it as motivation to finish the race. Don't let pain cause you to fear a challenge And something i've recently come to believe as a truth and relied on is that, God understands our suffering and pain and fear and doubt. He's always there to encourage us and help us realize that He is sufficient for all out needs. When I realized this my worrying stopped. And when worry creeps in I just take a moment, and pray and it ceases. So to pain I say thank you. I've grown so much out of it and I'm much happier today because of it. I'm more appreciative for the blessings i've gotten in life and more motivated than ever. 

Roller Coaster

2015. What a year. If any of my 20 years have been a roller coaster, 2015 is it. So many ups but seemingly so many more downs this year. It's been super tough at some points but i've grown in my faith and my self confidence has proliferated. I've learned to love myself in full which is something I never really did. And i've learned to hold onto the little things that remind me to never give up and to keep pushing towards my aspirations and goals. It's amazing how something like a note or a hair tie can remind me of great times and push me further even when I feel lonely, but they work. 2015 has been a lonely year. But looking back it was needed. It's allowed me to focus on myself more because i'm usually doing anything I can for friends. It's almost over. While i'm scared to see what next year holds, i'm also incredibly excited and ready to face any challenges head on.

Lost

Eyes closed, my senses heightened. 

The smell. Sweet, strong but not overpowering. The feel. Arms and legs smooth. Soft and supple. My lips pressed against your neck. Then your lips. Next your chest. My hand intertwined with yours, one caressing your cheek. The sound. Passion. Soft whimpers. A moan so sweet. I hear my name. The flow. Natural, fluid, not forced. The taste. You. Your unique flavor. Sensual. The vision. Black, darkened by eyes closed. Lost in all that is you. Lost in a moment so wondrous. A moment. Forever ingrained in my mind. One with you for a short time. Your hands glide through my hair to my shoulders. I'm drawn to you. Your body. Your mind. You. Our lips lock. There's no place I'd rather be. My mind filled with joy, passion, your smile. Happy doesn't come close. Motivated. Wanted. Can I make you feel like no Other man has? I wonder. The path. My finger tracing lightly down your face, to your chest, then your legs. I start in reverse. Back up your legs. I pause. You shake, trembling ever so light. Your hands grasping tighter. A rush of air leave you. Your back arches, toes curling, as I kiss back up your body. Lost in you. 

The Push

Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, determination, and dedication. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Strive to fulfill it, pushing yourself past the roadblocks. Rely on people you trust to help motivate you along your journey. Rely on God and scripture to push you even farther and when no one else can. We re all on this earth for a purpose. It's our jobs to reach and exceed that purpose at all cost!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

Beautiful

Beauty; A combination of qualities, such as shape, color or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. - The dictionary. 

Beauty is all around us. The world is full of charm and adventure. Beauty is power. Just sit and take in the majesty of the world we live in. Let go of the pain and suffering that takes place and admire the world for what it is. The world is full of beautiful people. We live life too fast pace often taking for granted the wonders around us. When things get bad for me I have gotten to a point where I find a dark place that's quiet as I sit and think about all the beautiful things this world has to offer. There's so many forms of beauty. Visual is obvious at times but I really like finding beauty that's hidden. Beauty in people, space and the world that you have to look close to find. To me the best part of beauty is the beauty that can't be viewed in a picture. The beauty of people helping others, or building people up. The beauty of interaction and harmony. I'm learning to focus on positivity in this crazy world we live in. There will always be negative but the beauty far out weighs that and we all need to focus on it w little bit more. The world would be a lot better off. 

Smile

I love smiling. It feels great for one and I hope that if anything it can help brighten other people's days. People underestimate the power a smile, touch, kind word, genuine compliment, or listening ear can have on others. They all have the potential to turn someone's day or even life around and aren't difficult to offer. Smile in the face of trouble, gather strength in moments of distress and grow brave in reflection.  Your smile makes people's lives more beautiful. Never stop. It would be selfish of you to do so. Use it to bless people. You never know whose day will be turned around simply because of your smile. 

Your Future is Bliss

It may be hard but let go of the past. Don't torture yourself thinking back on what you could have changed or done differently. Don't beat yourself up over a past that isnt changeable. Learn from what ever mistakes you believe you made and move on from them. And don't let the actions of another person who doesn't see your full potential and worth dictate your future. Don't let them decide how you move forward wit life and don't let the memory of them hold you back. Don't let the past ruin the present and future. Know your worth, know what kind of person deserves to get access to that and seek out someone who will value you as much as you value you. Never stop loving yourself and don't doubt yourself. The best trait in a woman is a woman who loves herself unconditionally. That's attractive to the right kind of people and those are the men you want around because they will only do everything they can everyday to make you feel safe and secure and remind you that you're perfection in your own right. I know you love him but there's better out there for you and while you can't see it now you will later I know that. 7 billion people on this planet and one of them is out looking for You so he can fill that empty spot and you'll fill his too. Don't rush into that. It's not a race. Take your time and be diligent in the search and you'll find Mr. Right. It's worth the wait. 

A letter to Someone New

Dear Future Love.

I can't explain. You took me to a place I never knew existed. It was scary. It was new. Unexpected. I wish I could explain how I feel looking into your eyes, or the peace I get from hearing your voice, or laugh. But is unexplainable. To be cliché, I get butterflies, to say the least. Your smile makes all the doubts and worries and pain I have disappear. Every time we are together I feel whole.  You make me want in ways i've never wanted before. Is it truly love? I certainly think so. I thought I loved the last girl I was with.. But she didn't make me feel how you've made me feel. I met you, got to know you, just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to you have to offer and even in that small understanding of you, I wanted something I never have wanted before, and that's to have a future filled with you by my side. It scares me. But brings me so much joy.  I'll always be around, waiting for you. It's beyond worth it even if it's just a potential opportunity to share a future together. You're the first person that I want to see happy more than my personal wants and needs. I want you to find a love so strong that nothing can deter you from it, I want you to be so full of joy that it bursts from you onto everyone around you. And if that doesn't involve me, so be it, I'll be happy and content in knowing that you're safe and happy. I love you and it scares me. Im beyond glad we met. You've done so much for me in such a short time, you're truly a blessing and i'm forever grateful to have you in my life. You're on a path to great things and i'm excited to see where life takes you.